Consider The Lilies

I have always wanted to be "the one" to somebody. What exactly does this mean, you ask? It could mean the one that people look up to in social situations. The one who is thought about every now and again by an old flame. The one who does the right thing in a time of tough decision. The one who would make the difference in the life of a struggling friend. The one who would be the healing hands to a child.

Never in my life, did I want to be the one to turn away a drug addicted girl and leave her alone on the streets.





















"A" came to live with us 2 weeks ago. When we got her, she had been living in a seedy motel with the woman who had broken up her mom & dad's marriage 15 years ago. The woman she is living with is a drunk and her father is in prison. She has had a tough life. Besides being addicted to Oxycontin & heroin (courtesy of her father) she has a terrible addiction to men. (Is it any wonder considering the example she had?) She does not feel love in the same way you or I do. She has not a shred of self esteem or self respect. She has a 2 1/2 year old daughter that has been taken away from her. She does not know the Savior or his love, although I think she wants to. She thinks that she is too far gone to matter to anyone.

I will not bore you with the details of our time together. Suffice it to say, at times she did well. At times, there was nothing but manipulation and lying. However, while she was here, she did stay clean...which makes the following events even tougher. She cut out on her court ordered community service more than once. She lied more than once. She stole more than once. Yet, I felt like this was the place she was supposed to be...at least until last Thursday.

Mark and I prayed about it and felt like she needed to find another place to live. We had decided to let her find a place first though. None of this had been conveyed to her. We felt good about it. Then, while Mark was listening to the scriptures on the way to work, he heard the following scripture:

Mosiah 4:17-19

17. Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just—

18. But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.

19. For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?

22. And if ye judge the man who putteth up his petition to you for your substance that he perish not, and condemn him, how much more just will be your condemnation for withholding your substance, which doth not belong to you but to God, to whom also your life belongeth; and yet ye put up no petition, nor repent of the thing which thou hast done.

Now what do we do? For us, this was not just a matter of food, clothing and shelter with "A". This was her spirit that was hungering and thirsting. Her body was just getting in the way. So where do we go from here? I went straight to the bishop. I told him that I was confused. We felt peaceful initially but now the stupor of thought was coming into play. Because I had been through my own tough times, Mark pretty much left the decision to me. (A choice which I didn't appreciate, by the way.) I asked the bishop for a blessing. He was her judge in Israel and I wanted to know what the Lord would have me do for her. Needless to say....the Lord didn't tell me. I was however, blessed to have peace that whatever decision I made, the Lord would grant me an extra measure of peace.

I called her mother to discuss what options we had. The answer? None. Absolutely none. Her mother has 8 other children between the ages of 6 months and 26 and she needed to focus on them. She was not welcome to come back to their home. She would not take her calls. "A" was on her own. Her mother asked if I would relay the message to come and pick up her things. While I was unsure about being asked to do this, I can understand the heartache of her mother. She had been through this for the last 7 years. She had rescued too many times to count and this time...enough was enough.

It was time for me to pick her up from her drug and alcohol class. The whole way up there, I felt a bit like Nephi. I felt like I was about to take this sword and metaphorically and spiritually cut off her head. "I can't do this Lord." I kept saying to myself. "I can't just turn her onto the street. We are her last hope and if we don't help her, who will?" The answer came about 2 blocks from where I was to pick her up.

"Be still. And know that I am God."


















How could I argue with that?


So, I arrive at the class and she was waiting for me. She got in the car and I told her we needed to talk. I won't bore you with the details of the conversation or her bad attitude. Needless to say, it ended with me telling her that she just wasn't ready yet and because of her actions, she would not be welcome in our home any longer. "Can I, at least, come and get my stuff?" I let her know that her suitcases were in the back of the van. I will never forget the look on her face. It was shock, and panic all at once. I suppose she didn't think we were serious at first but a car complete with all of her things was serious. "Well, will you take me to my mom's or can I call her to pick me up?" The words felt like lead coming out of my mouth. "I'm sorry A. You're mom said that you have made your choice and you aren't welcome there anymore. She will have your things ready for you to pick up by tomorrow afternoon."

Silence.

No tears, no protests, just silence and complete resignation. I tried to talk for a few more minutes but it was obvious that it was futile. So we got out of the car and I got her suitcases. I gave her a hug (which she reluctantly tolerated) and told her to take care of herself and to call us when she was really ready to let the Savior change her. I got in the car and drove away. In the rear view I could see her just standing there in her flip flops and light hoodie with 2 huge suitcases, neither of which were the rolling kind. On top of it all...it was beginning to snow.


I felt strangely peaceful, considering I'd just made this sweet girl, whom I love, homeless. The thing that kept playing over and over in my mind is "Consider The Lilies". I am familiar with the song and so I kept playing the words over and over in my mind.

Consider the lilies of the field. How they grow. How they grow.
Consider the birds in the sky. How they fly. How they fly.
He clothes the lilies of the field. He feeds the birds in the sky.
And He will heal those who trust Him, and guide them with his eye.

Consider the sheep of his fold. How they follow where He leads.
Though the path may wind across the mountains, He knows the meadows where they feed.
He clothes the lilies of the field. He feeds the birds in the sky.
And He will heal those who trust Him, and guide them with his eye.

Consider the sweet tender children who must suffer on this earth.
The pains of all of them He carried from the day of his birth.
He clothes the lilies of the field. He feeds the lambs in His fold.
And he will heal those who trust him and make their hearts as gold.

The Lord knows where she wanders across the mountains, even if we don't. The Lord knows when and how to intervene if he sees fit and only He knows how to help her. We will turn our hurt over to the Savior and He will heal us. "A" can turn her addictions and lifestyle over to the Savior and He will make her heart as gold. Her sins, though they be as scarlet will become as white as the snow. I hope that when the Saviors goes looking for this very special "lost sheep", that she will recognize the voice of her Shepherd and choose to follow where He leads.

So while I was not the one to bring "A" back, it wasn't my job to. The Lord's way is agency. Satan's way is force. So we will wait for the time when she will choose her daughter, choose her family, choose the Savior and choose happiness instead of wickedness. We will love and pray for this sweet daughter of God to remember who she is....and hurt....a lot.